Monthly Archive October 2016

I don’t have time

I don’t have time

How often do you say to yourself I don’t have time?
If you have time for work, your kids, friends, TV, internet why don’t you have time for yourself? Everybody runs away from themselves for different reasons. We all do that. Do you know why you are running away from yourself and why you are only getting half the things done for yourself that you wanted to achieve? Do you know why your feel you’re your life is ojt of balance? When you discover that reason you will easily find the solution to claiming back time for yourself. My reason is partly that I am rather laid back at times and partly because I overload myself.
When I find myself in that pattern I check my diary and look at what isn’t increasing my income significantly or what I don’t enjoy doing. That was how I first cut back on essential tasks. After I’ve done that I make sure I don’t spend time procrastinating but get on with using my time for what I really like to do so that I can bring my life back into balance again.
We often just say I don’t have time and have good excuses why we don’t do stuff. I know when we have jobs and a family a lot of our time disappears but we can still find time for ourselves. It’s very important for our health, relationships and happiness to do so

What is right?

What is right?

 

We all get into situations with people when there are different opinions normally with one side trying to convince the other side about what is right and what is not. So how do we deal with conflict?

 

It’s easy to start playing ego games in these situations where we stand on our dignity, determined to be right. Often we don’t listen to the other person because we are so sure they are wrong. Plus we are emotional about our beliefs and they are similarly blind to our point of view. If we become angry we are like a steam locomotive. Who can see clearly when a train roars past? Finally we can be misunderstood so this becomes the cause of conflict.

 

In fact often we do have similar points of view but we start arguing because we are using different words. Most people accept that everyone is entitled to their own point of view but in an argument we can forget that and end up by arguing and feeling hurt. Sometimes we are hypocrites when we say one thing but actually we don’t apply that to our own lives as we behave differently. It’s not always easy to realise that.

 

When in a confrontational situation we can become emotional and end up by hurting ourselves or someone else. Then it’s important to take a step back and view the situation from a distance otherwise we can easily come out with an angry and hurtful retort such as “How could you do that?”

 

Sometimes it’s better to suggest that you talk about the issue another time and just go for a walk or do something different that will help you switch off and change your mood. Very often when we do that we start to see things more clearly and find a new way of resolving the problem.

 

If you feel misunderstood ask the other person to repeat what you have said in their own words. If in doing that it’s not the same as your explanation then repeat what you said to them the first time and ask that same question. Repeat this process until the person does understand and then switch roles. This can work if both of you are patient and stay calm.

 

Some people find it easy to write a letter as by doing this they are able to clearly sort out their thoughts on paper and don’t include extra words that they may regret afterwards that could do more harm. It’s a good idea if you are there when the person is reading your letter to talk it through with them.

 

Finally I’d like to say try not to deal with this kind of stuff by texting as personal contact is very important. I know I have said write things down in a letter, but in a letter we normally use more words than we would in a text message.

 

When you exchange information give this process time as some people can’t change their mood or attitudes quickly and need time to process things.  What method works for you? You may find different methods work with different people.

You don’t need to be positive all the time

You don’t need to be positive all the time

 

 

Lots of people say you need to stay positive. I think no you don’t.

Be honest to yourself if to no one else. If you are honest you can easily find what you are feeling and where it is taking you. I believe if we let an emotion come to the surface we can deal with it. If we allow ourselves to experience our emotions honestly then we won’t let ourselves repeat the same old bad patterns.

 

Often when we feel down we don’t want to acknowledge those feelings and deal with them. But it is best if we do. Instead we work longer hours, spend time with friends, we watch TV, drink, play sport but very rarely do we sit by ourselves and process our feelings.

 

In darkness there is light. Have you heard that saying before? When we are by ourselves and delve into our bad feelings we go into a dark space. But when we do that it is important not to hang on to guilty feelings. Sooner or later we get through that dark space and see the light.

 

When you are in that dark space it is very important not to reproach yourself. Allow that feeling of despair to go, say goodbye to it and don’t return to it again. You have already lived through that feeling once and you don’t need go back there again and again. Your mind is strong and if you return to those thoughts you are caught up in an endless circle of negativity. You are trapped into feelings of guilt and worry that disconnect you from where you are in that moment.

 

I love this story: When we are hurt by a bad experience it is as if we are dead on the inside. We take our dead body and visit a friend, put that dead body on the table and start analysing what is going on for us but we do nothing to change things. A month or so later we are still holding on to those same bad feelings not realising that our dead body is starting to stink. Because we are always with our body we don’t smell it. A year later we are still hanging on to those bad feelings along with many others. The dead body weighs even heavier and people no longer want to associate themselves with us because we haven’t processed what is going on. If you don’t deal with bad feelings your body will carry on stinking.

 

So what is better? To sit with your wounded feelings or to process them and let them go?