When: ideally from 10pm and in the afternoon
Why: Good sleep helps our body and brain to recover. Scientists have proved that the best time for our brain to rest is between 10pm to 12am and for total recovery we need a good six hours of sleep. They have found out that women should sleep more too. That is what scientists say but we all have an idea of how much sleep we need to feel good the next day. If we sleep less than that we are tired and if we sleep too much we are tired too plus we can feel if as if someone has hit us over the head. An afternoon nap is very good to recharge ourselves.
How: Find out how many hours of sleep you need.
Work out a regular schedule for sleeping. For example, every day go to sleep at 10pm and wake up at 5am.
Make sure that an hour before bed you slow down and just do pleasant things so you are relaxing and ready to sleep.
Before sleep just think about positive things.
If you don’t wake by yourself, set an alarm for the morning.
Wake up and go to the new day.
It’s good to have an afternoon nap for 20 minutes so find time in your day and just close your eyes and relax for 20 minutes.
You will soon see how different your days will be.
When: Once a month is ideal.
Why: When you take yourself out for a date you are saying to your self I LOVE MYSELF. That’s a very powerful message for your self-esteem. On your own you can do what you like. You don’t need to have a partner or you can do what your partner doesn’t enjoy so much.
How: Make a day and time in your diary.
Make plans the same as if you are going on a date with someone when you like to be perfect. You are worth it.
Book a place, look at what is on at the cinema. Make a plan for anything you like doing.
On That Day prepare yourself the same as if you are going on a date with someone else. Take a bath, dress nicely, put on perfume …
Go out with yourself and enjoy yourself, don’t stay nhome. Go out.
What do I do?
Find a nice quiet place. Sit down and concentrate on your breathing for about two minutes.
Meditation is a way to find out how we’re feeling and to build self confidence. That’s helpful in every area of our lives. Plus we learn how to live in the moment. If we sit down quietly and stop all the information that’s coming at us we can more easily find answers to our problems.
How do I do this?
Promise yourself that you will connect with yourself in this way every day for two minutes. You choose the time when (morning or evening), whenever it suits you.
Sit down and feel comfortable.
Start just breathing and watch what happens.
When: Every time you eat.
Why: Food is important to us. We say that you are what you eat. I’m not talking about what we eat but how you eat. It actually starts before we eat. When you start to feel hungry do you ask yourself what do you feel like? Or do you just grab what you have prepared or what is close to you?
If we tune into our food and prepare ourselves for it, it’s a very different sort of enjoyment. I’m sure you know what I mean. For example, if you go to a restaurant with good company and order food you choose what you want. You will be feeling relaxed and after waiting for your food you will probably be excited about your meal. And when you get it and eat you are having a good time at the same time with your friends.
How: Tune into your body about what you feel like eating.
Prepare food with joy.
Make a nice and relaxed space where you like to eat.
Be grateful for your meal.
Eat slowly with passion. Enjoy every mouthful. Chew food properly. This way you make it easy to digest your food plus you’ll find it has more flavour.
Drink water with your food.
If you have a partner, family or flatmates it’s nice to make time to eat together. Eating together brings a nice connection and joy.
When: Now and at any time in the future. Make time for yourself when you can forgive ‘you’.
Why: We can be very tough on ourselves. We are often nice to others so why can’t we be like that to ourselves? Often we do nice stuff for others but not so often for us. For example, you buy a present for someone but how often do you buy a present for yourself? You forgive someone if they did something bad but often you are not so forgiving to yourself. Plus how often when you are talking to yourself internally do you say to yourself, “I’m amazed. Well done.” More often we beat ourselves up for what ever.
How: Find a quiet place and if you are an esthetical person choose a nice place too.
Quieten yourself down and write down every negative thought about yourself. If you have something that you don’t like about yourself write it down. For example, I’m a bad speaker. I’m ugly. I broke some glass…
Take responsibility for this behaviour and let go of negative thoughts (I know it’s easy to say but harder to do).
Say to your self “I’m sorry” and experience how it feels inside yourself.
Look at how you like it if someone forgives you and how easily you accept that forgiveness, for example, in writing, in words, with a hug, with a gift or by spending time with them. Whatever it is you like or appreciate the most from others do the same for yourself.
Repeat as often as you need, some things take longer. It’s not enough to forgive yourself just once. With some issues it’s an ongoing process. For example if I break a glass I can forgive myself for that one incident and that’s enough. But if I’ve been in a bad relationship there’s no need to beat myself up about it for ever. It’s important to forgive myself over time. Forgiveness will get easier as time passes.
Appreciate any small amount of relief you can give yourself and be proud of yourself. Don’t beat yourself up if you’re not able to forgive yourself once or twice.
Imagine a bird flying away with the issue you are struggling with allowing you to to be released from your burden.
When: Daily for 5 to 10minutes. If you are a walker already don’t hesitate to extend this time.
Why: Movement is one of the important things that you can do for your physical and psychological health. Walking is a great way to move plus to be outside in the fresh air. If you already exercise, look on this time as a bonus. You can walk before exercising instead of warming up or walk at a different time of day. Moreover, it’s a great way to release stress, to find time for ourselves or spend good time with family.
How: Choose the time when you like to walk.
Commit just for the time you are capable of making.
Focus on getting out the door – it’s important to start.
If you feel like it later on, extend the time you walk.
A good way to enjoy walking is when someone w.hose company you like joins you. It will encourage you to go walking if you promise each other you will do it together and you know someone is waiting for you. Plus you can motivate each other when one of you wants to give up.
When: NOW, NOW and NOW
Why: Being in the present moment helps you to be focused on yourself and your life bringing you closer to yourself and to your feelings.
How: Concentrate on your body, starting the same way as if you are meditating and breathing in to yourself.
You just carry on with every task in the same way.
It’s good to start with an easy task you can do on autopilot, like walking, slicing bread, making a cup of tea…
Don’t punish yourself if you can’t do it. Just practise as often as you can. It sounds easy but it’s a lifetime journey. ☺
When: Start the day with a smile and carry on smiling all day.
Why: A smile is a very powerful remedy for everything. If you smile to yourself each morning in the mirror the day starts out in the right direction. At anytime you can just remind yourself to SMILE. It is more powerful when you smile at others. A smile brings joy to a minimum two people, to you and the other person.
Have you ever felt down and someone has given you a gentle smile? Did it bring you hope? Did you feel better? You can do the same for yourself if you feel down. Science has already proved that if we smile our brain soon thinks we are happy and starts to produce the hormone needed to feel good.
How: Just smile. Use the mirror to see yourself.
Smile at others. It’s very beneficial for everyone and hopefully you will start a smile epidemic.
Do things that make you smile.
Have pictures around you that bring a smile to your face.
I don’t have time
How often do you say to yourself I don’t have time?
If you have time for work, your kids, friends, TV, internet why don’t you have time for yourself? Everybody runs away from themselves for different reasons. We all do that. Do you know why you are running away from yourself and why you are only getting half the things done for yourself that you wanted to achieve? Do you know why your feel you’re your life is ojt of balance? When you discover that reason you will easily find the solution to claiming back time for yourself. My reason is partly that I am rather laid back at times and partly because I overload myself.
When I find myself in that pattern I check my diary and look at what isn’t increasing my income significantly or what I don’t enjoy doing. That was how I first cut back on essential tasks. After I’ve done that I make sure I don’t spend time procrastinating but get on with using my time for what I really like to do so that I can bring my life back into balance again.
We often just say I don’t have time and have good excuses why we don’t do stuff. I know when we have jobs and a family a lot of our time disappears but we can still find time for ourselves. It’s very important for our health, relationships and happiness to do so
What is right?
We all get into situations with people when there are different opinions normally with one side trying to convince the other side about what is right and what is not. So how do we deal with conflict?
It’s easy to start playing ego games in these situations where we stand on our dignity, determined to be right. Often we don’t listen to the other person because we are so sure they are wrong. Plus we are emotional about our beliefs and they are similarly blind to our point of view. If we become angry we are like a steam locomotive. Who can see clearly when a train roars past? Finally we can be misunderstood so this becomes the cause of conflict.
In fact often we do have similar points of view but we start arguing because we are using different words. Most people accept that everyone is entitled to their own point of view but in an argument we can forget that and end up by arguing and feeling hurt. Sometimes we are hypocrites when we say one thing but actually we don’t apply that to our own lives as we behave differently. It’s not always easy to realise that.
When in a confrontational situation we can become emotional and end up by hurting ourselves or someone else. Then it’s important to take a step back and view the situation from a distance otherwise we can easily come out with an angry and hurtful retort such as “How could you do that?”
Sometimes it’s better to suggest that you talk about the issue another time and just go for a walk or do something different that will help you switch off and change your mood. Very often when we do that we start to see things more clearly and find a new way of resolving the problem.
If you feel misunderstood ask the other person to repeat what you have said in their own words. If in doing that it’s not the same as your explanation then repeat what you said to them the first time and ask that same question. Repeat this process until the person does understand and then switch roles. This can work if both of you are patient and stay calm.
Some people find it easy to write a letter as by doing this they are able to clearly sort out their thoughts on paper and don’t include extra words that they may regret afterwards that could do more harm. It’s a good idea if you are there when the person is reading your letter to talk it through with them.
Finally I’d like to say try not to deal with this kind of stuff by texting as personal contact is very important. I know I have said write things down in a letter, but in a letter we normally use more words than we would in a text message.
When you exchange information give this process time as some people can’t change their mood or attitudes quickly and need time to process things. What method works for you? You may find different methods work with different people.