Dealing with Romantic Rejection

Why does romantic rejection hurt so much?

Being rejected by a potential romantic partner is definitely a painful experience. Especially when you have been fantasying about the instant chemistry or eternal love. According to a study about men’s reaction toward romantic rejection, their chance of responding violently to rejection increased substantially when sexual conquest was their goal of the relationship.

Source: Pexels/@Trinity Kubassek
Source: Pexels/@Trinity Kubassek

Or when a young kid doesn’t get her what she wants, she may act out or strike out at the caregiver who stands in the way of her desire. The caregiver should, in theory, enable the kid to communicate her feelings while simultaneously teaching her the difference between appropriate and inappropriate means of expressing dissatisfaction. You can’t always avoid a broken heart or a shattered ego from hurting, but we can all learn how to get through it without causing any harm to others.

By understanding the root of our pain toward rejection, we can stop it from draining us and destroying our feelings.

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Understanding sexual rejection

Romantic relationships can be a great source of comfort, happiness and acceptance, as well as frustration, conflict, and sadness when things aren't quite working the way we'd like. Particularly when it comes to sex, it's really common for partners to want different amounts of sex, at different times, and have different preferences for sexual activities; as you can imagine, this 'desire discrepancy' can often lead to disagreement, and (you guessed it…) rejection. 

This mismatch can be really tricky to manage, because even though on the surface it's purely about sex, there are deeper emotional responses and questions going on underneath. The person with higher desire in the relationship might feel lonely, isolated, and frustrated, asking themselves questions like: 'Does my partner still find me attractive?'; 'Do they still love me?', 'Do I matter to them?'. And the person with lower desire might feel inadequate, guilty, and pressured, wondering if there's something wrong with them, and telling themselves it's all their fault (spoiler alert: it's not). It's easy to see how a vicious cycle might occur in these situations, where the person with higher desire is looking for sex as a sort of reassurance that their partner still desires them, and the person with lower desire starts to avoid anything that might lead to sex because they don't want to experience those feelings of pressure, inadequacy, and anxiety. Which means that the person who needs reassurance doesn't get it, causing them to seek sex even more, and the person who wants to avoid sex has to work even harder to do so. Once this pattern of emotional reactions – which we call the 'Pursue-Withdraw cycle' – gets started, as well as making everyone involved feel upset, it can be hard to break, and a single 'Not tonight, honey' takes on a significance much bigger than it needs to. But of course, we all have the right to be in control over what happens to our bodies, which means being able to say no to sex when we want to. 

Try something new

It’s hard to get over someone when everything about your routine reminds you of the hole they left. Disrupt your pattern by trying something different: a new hobby, a new class, a new restaurant, a new park. Anything to shake things up. Not only will it give you something else to think about, you’ll be more likely to hang out with other people with the same interests. There’s nothing like a new prospect to help clear the clouds away.

2. Don’t Let Rejection Define You

This is one many of us are guilty of. Remember whe

This is one many of us are guilty of. Remember when we said don’t take it personally? “Just because you’ve been rejected, it doesn’t mean that there’s something innately wrong with you. It just means that you aren’t right for that specific person at that time,” says Alderson. 

Experiencing rejection doesn’t mean you are unlovable or undatable. You won’t be a perfect match for everyone, no one is. None of us walk down the street and think every single person we make eye contact with is the one (unless you take love at first sight literally).

Alderson reminds us that there are billions of people in the world and your self-worth should never depend on a single person’s opinion. The right person will appreciate you for exactly who you are, so don’t let it define you and make you stray from the path you’re meant to be on to meet your person.

8. Accept That Rejection Is Part of Life

Rejection happens to everyone. And I mean everyone

Rejection happens to everyone. And I mean everyone. “From Megan Fox to the Ryan Gosling look-alike you pass on your way to work in the morning, everyone faces rejection,” says Alderson. “It can be liberating to realize that it’s part of life and you’re not the only one going through it.”

Viewing rejection as part of the process rather than the outcome can help you shift into a more constructive and future-focused mindset. The moment you get comfortable with it and no longer fear rejection is the moment you start living your best life, whether it’s finally asking your crush out or going after a new job you won’t be attached to the outcome.

HOW TO RESPOND TO EMOTIONAL REJECTION?

Many times one will feel how emotional rejection can be handled.

, there are some things or habits that can help with emotional rejection but many times if this doesn’t help then it’s wise to seek counsel or see a psychologist. And such habits or things to be done include;

Music:

music is a powerful instrument that can heal a soul and turn that soul to a strengthened personality in a situation where that soul is fainting.

It’s important to know that there are songs that can be listened to at a particular time depending on your state of mind.

For instance, someone who’s just be heartbroken listening to a love song or a song that talks about heartbreak will only end up more in the pain of emotional rejection but when listening to a song that talk more on being a strong person or channeling your weakness into strength, you’re sure to receive some healing inspiration trust me.

The lyrics of a song are always a simple message.

Exercising:

this can be an exercise and can also be fun in the process depending on the kind of exercise you are involved in.

For example, someone playing football, table tennis, etc.

Can be exercising and having fun on the other hand. It’s a therapy that helps your physical and mental health and can be seen as a change away from that routine of locking yourself all day.

Going on a trip:

Travelling can also fill your mind with knowledge.

And exploring which can bring excitement and also meeting people. 

Read: Is Squirting Orgasm? (2021)

Staying among loved ones:

This can be medicine to drive away the feeling of rejection.

It reminds you that you are important and matter to some people rather than having a feeling that something is wrong with you just because you have been rejected by someone who doesn’t value your relevance.

Give yourself the best of all attention:

Many times you find out that you feel worthless due to rejection but that’s the point for you to give yourself the best of the best care and love. Buy things that make you happy.

You can as well go to a restaurant and eat the best meal or something you crave for, hence satisfying yourself in all areas is key to feeling special. 

2. She doesn’t deserve our anger

She’s just living her life. And while the burden of initiation still appears to rest mostly on the shoulders of men, that burden doesn’t entitle us to expect compliance for putting our necks out there. We have no more right to a woman’s time & affection than we do to Harvard granting us unconditional admission. We can knock on the door, but it’s up to them who they allow into their world. Not us.

Let go to deal with romantic rejection
Let go to deal with romantic rejection

How to respond to romantic rejection

It’s hurt and awkward at the same time when receiving a romantic rejection. But if we can handle it right, you would upgrade your image regardless of the result. Remember that the anger or disappointment feelings are normal, but you can take back the power and control the pain by saying in how you handle it.

Take a deep breathe

Taking slow, deep breaths can help to calm your nervous system, which is the major nerve responsible for the relaxation response. As a result, remaining calm will allow you to think and react more thoughtfully.

Spend time with yourself

Don’t do something that will make you regret later on. Excuse yourself and walk away to sit with your emotions for a while. Finding ways to heal your wound and fill up your life with new activities, relationships, hobbies and positivity.

Source: Pexels/@Andrea Piacqiadio
Source: Pexels/@Andrea Piacqiadio

Make it clear if you want to

If you have unsolved issues or questions that you feel you can’t address on your own, or if you just want to clarify things, try talking with them once you’ve completely accepted that it’s over. Make a commitment to yourself to always ask “why,” rather than becoming defensive, accusing, or blaming them. Knowing they no longer wants to be romantically engaged with you should always be at the forefront of your thoughts when asking the questions you’re looking for answers to.

How this one revelation changed my love life

It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…

I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.

I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.

I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.

What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.

If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.

Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.

I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.

Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.

As the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a unique position to be able to bring Rudá’s teachings to our global community.

We do this by promoting his masterclasses.

One of the most powerful masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. In this class, Rudá breaks down his key lessons on cultivating healthy and nurturing relationships in your life.

Thousands of people have already let me know that this masterclass has changed their love lives for the better.

==> Check it out here.

Best wishes,Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder

Turn it into a positive

As Hinge’s Sam Owen points out, it’s important to remember that rejection also helps you avoid wasting time in the wrong relationships. “Even though 26 percent of Hinge daters feel worried about hurting the other person’s feelings when they want to end an undefined romantic relationship, a huge 85 percent said they would rather know if the other person isn’t interested in them. This highlights how ‘rejection’ is not about a person’s worth, it’s simply how each individual seeks a mutually exhilarating connection. And that’s what romantic love is all about,” says Owen.

Rejection is part of the process that leads us towards what we’re looking for. “So, in reality, romantic rejections are road signs and redirections all set up to help you achieve your relationship goals, not a reflection of your worth,” says Owen. “Your job is to work on being happy and healthy within yourself. If you’re feeling deflated from rejection, consider prioritising working on your mental health. Taking this time for self-care will lead to more resilience, energy, and mental clarity for your all-important dating and relationship goals moving forward. Then, you can focus on finding someone that truly deserves you.”

If I could turn back the clock and tell myself that absolutely nothing about me needed fixing or changing, I would. Rejection really stings and, depending on how we’re feeling about ourselves in that moment in time, that pain can linger a little. Take as long as you need to nurse your hurt but remember the rejection isn’t about you — it really is about them. Someone out there will love you just as you are.

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