What to do when everyone is dating multiple people at once

1. Think about why you want to date multiple people

Before dating multiple people at the same time, think about your reasons for doing so.

If you’re interested in more than one person and want to see where things might lead with each of them, there’s nothing wrong with that! There’s also nothing wrong with just wanting to have some fun.

However, your motive shouldn’t be that “everyone is doing it.” If you want to date several people, by all means, go ahead! But make sure that you’re doing it because you genuinely want to, not because someone else is doing it or because you’re trying to avoid commitment with any of them due to past hurts.

Some valid reasons include looking for the right person that you can have a future with, not being in a place where you want to commit to only one person, not wanting a committed relationship (out of choice, not because you’ve got commitment issues), or wanting an open relationship.

All of this is okay, but it needs to be okay with everyone involved, which brings us to one of the most important rules you should follow…

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4. Don’t turn it into a competition

If you’re dating two or more people to see which one you want to settle down with, you’ll probably compare them in your head. They should not be aware of that, let alone start competing for your attention.

Some people crave attention so much that they make their dates compete for it. Who will make you laugh more? Who will pick up the bill? Who makes your heart beat faster?

While it’s normal to think about these things when choosing the right person for you, don’t think that you’re in your own episode of The Bachelor. Show respect to the people you’re dating, and don’t forget that none of them has to agree to keep dating you or get involved with you.

They are probably choosing the right person for themselves, too, so don’t forget that you should woo and impress them, not just wait to be wooed and impressed. Even if you’re not looking for commitment, don’t make your dates compete for you.

Rules For Dating More Than One Person

1. Be Honest And Upfront About It

We are repeating this point because it is worth repeating and of paramount importance.

You would be saving yourself from a lot of headaches if and when the beans are spilled.

The other person might feel cheated or may not be comfortable with the idea of you dating someone else along with them.

If you are seeing other people, tell them clearly about you doing so. And do not try to mince or sugar coat your words.

If you are also sleeping around with some or all of them, be very upfront about it from the first date itself. Whatever you do, never hide anything.

2. Eliminate People Who Aren’t Comfortable With Th

2. Eliminate People Who Aren’t Comfortable With The Idea

We are not telling you to kill them like a literal assassin. What we are asking you to do instead is asking you to stop seeing such people.

It is never going to be a smooth ride to date a person who isn’t comfortable with the idea of you dating multiple people.

There is no absolute right or wrong here. You aren’t right, or they aren’t wrong and vice-versa.

It is just a question of perspectives and what each individual wants from the people they date. This will help you get rid of a lot of emotional drama later on.

3. Know The Difference Between Dating And Relationship

Dating someone does not mean that you are in a relationship with them. Read that again if you need to. A lot of people confuse the two.

Dating is all about meeting people and getting to know them. A relationship, on the other hand, is exclusively committing to one person (if it is not an open relationship).

You need to know this clearly to explain it to a person who might object to you dating someone else other than them.

Even if you are dating just one person, until and unless you commit, you are always free to stop seeing them altogether.

4. Carry No Guilt

4. Carry No Guilt

If you are honest and upfront about it from the very first date, then there is no reason to have a guilty conscience.

You chose to tell the truth from the very beginning, and if other people want to continue seeing you, then it is their choice.

Nobody can point a finger on you later on that you did something morally wrong.

Something like “I am in a dating-only mindset right now, open to seeing other people and currently not interested in committing to anyone” is the best way to clear off any feelings of guilt or dishonesty.

5. ‘Playing’ The Field Is Not Equal To Being A ‘Player’

There is no harm in getting to know different people out there and take the next step with the person with whom you are comfortable.

TABLE: Common Outlook Towards Dating Multiple People

ApproachPercentage Of MenPercentage Of Women
Talk to several but date only one at a time52%62%
Talk to only person person at a time and date them37%23%
Talk to and date several at the same time11%15%
Source: A survey conducted by RebootLoveLife.com on a set of 910 singles between 18-65 years of age.

Again, hide nothing and you are fine to do as you please as long as you don’t hurt somebody through shady underhand tactics.

‘Playing’ the field doesn’t make you a player.

Players are known to manipulate the emotions of other people and then discard them once they get whatever they were after.

You, on the other hand, are doing nothing of that sort and just increasing your chances of finding the right person for you.

6. Practice Alienation

Alienation, in a broad sense, is the concept of detaching yourself from a person or a situation to the extent that the outcome doesn’t affect you in any way.

While dating multiple people (just like dating a single person), you might feel things going somewhere with some of them.

And one fine day you might find yourself in a situation where none of the dates amounts to anything significant with anyone.

Please understand that it is entirely normal. It might get you thinking that none of these people liked you enough or you are too fussy as you didn’t like them.

Don’t let these thoughts affect you. All you need to do is find other people to date. Did anybody guarantee that multiple dating leads to sure-shot success?

7.  Find Equal Time For Everybody

7. Find Equal Time For Everybody

To make the most of the experience, it is essential that you spend an equal amount of quality time with all your dates to know them better.

Some people might seem more worthy or fun but remember this is the dating phase.

The sole reason you are into multiple dating is due to the several advantages it has over dating just one person, i.e. you come across more potential partners.

So it would be best if you gave them your time equally. Don’t make yourself too available to a select few.

It is the same as swimming against the tide and contrary to what you want to achieve.

8. Balance Multiple Dating With Other Areas Of Your Life

Dating multiple people consumes a lot more of your time.

Had you been seeing just one person, you would be devoting all the extra time to areas that are equally or much more important than your dating life.

In the scenario of dating multiple people, it is easy to lose track of your friends, family, work, career, and other essential things.

Do not let this happen because you don’t want to have a good love life at the cost of your work and family life.

If there is an imbalance, good love life becomes a hypothetical thing, and your illusion would come down crashing pretty soon.

9. Communicate Your Expectations Clearly

Maybe you are the type that is open to dating multiple people but don’t involve yourself physically with somebody until you commit to them.

Or perhaps you are somebody who sees intimacy and commitment as separate things and doesn’t ever mingle the two.

You would be much better off with a date who practices the same, and therefore it is crucial to communicate your expectations.

If you and your dates have different expectations, then either of you, more often than not, will do things that will make the other person uncomfortable.

There are high chances that both of you may overstep the boundaries set by the other.

10. Work On Your Flirting, Social And Dating Skill

10. Work On Your Flirting, Social And Dating Skills

This is the best time to work on your flirting, social and dating skills. You would be meeting a variety of people.

Go all out and shun the fear of rejection or being judged. Please make the most of this time as it will help you immensely when you would be with the right person later down the line.

If nothing, these dates would only add on to your experience. You cannot be a good swimmer by sitting at home.

You need to get in the water, tire yourself, face days of frustration and then maybe one day you’d be able to complete a small lap in the pool.

The same goes for dating multiple people. Don’t expect to hit the bull’s eye on the first attempt. We are not competing in the Olympics!

Can You Be in Love With Someone While Already in a Relationship?

Being in a relationship with someone else doesn’t make you exempt from feeling something another person, unplanned or otherwise. 

Of course, it’s possible to develop intense feelings for two people simultaneously without ever actually dating or being in a couple with either, but in the majority of cases, that’s probably a strong crush masquerading as love rather than the real thing. It’s a bit trickier when you start out in a relationship where you love your partner, only to suddenly feel love-like feelings for someone else.

“You can be passionately in love with someone while you’re in a relationship with another,” says Barrett. “A relationship is a logical choice. Falling in love is involuntary. It’s an arrow to the heart — you can’t help it. This often happens when your relationship has become more of a friendship, so you fall in love with someone who re-ignites the dormant passion within you.” 

That’s often how infidelity happens, too. “Oftentimes, a long-term relationship can become more like a sibling relationship, and the sexual connection fades if the couple don’t know how to keep it alive,” says Tessina. “That opens the door for falling in love (or at least, lust) with someone else.”

For some people, seeking out a sexual outlet is where the cheating begins and ends. For others, it leads to developing real feelings for another, whether or not the affair is physically consummated.

“You might be in an emotionally cold or distant relationship, within which you have chosen to close your heart, or never felt comfortable fully opening it in the first place,” says House. “And then you meet someone who makes you feel safe, seen and sexy, and with them you become vulnerable, real, emotionally connected and in love.” 

And also stay in touch with your feelings

Though this all sounds like a brilliant plan, there may be some drawbacks. “You may not be giving yourself the opportunity to truly get to know one person and may be avoiding intimacy,” says Levine. So go slow, and pay attention to how all of this makes you feel. You may be a one-woman or one-man kind of gal, and that is totally OK. Do you—and if you’re not sure what that looks like, experiment, but don’t go from 0 to 60. Try going on two dates with two different people in one week and see how that feels. Take it from there.

It’s easier to just go with the flow

Since you’re not relying on one person to fulfill all of your dating needs, Levine points out you’re more likely to be “satisfied” or at least “complacent with less than perfect individuals, each of whom provides something positive or worthwhile.” Plus, you won’t be wishing that anyone would be someone they’re not, because you’ll be more relaxed and “less likely to be demanding of any one relationship, even in terms of the other person’s fidelity,” she says. So if you have a date with Mark on Tuesday and Julia on Friday, and it comes out that they are also seeing others, NBD.

What Does It Mean to Be in Love With Someone?

Before getting into whether it’s possible to be in love with two people at the same time, it’s important to try to define what “being in love” means to begin with. Love is a big concept with a long history, and it’s hard to imagine a culture without a term for it, or a person who’s never uttered the phrase “I love,” no matter how fleeting or small or strange. In that vein, it’s not only possible, but easy to simply love many people at once.

“It is certainly possible to love several people at once,” says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist and author of “Dr. Romance’s Guide to Finding Love Today.” “Think of family members, children, dear friends; you hold all of them in your heart at once.” 

Meanwhile, it’s also possible — and, again, easy — to be attracted to multiple people at once. But it’s important not to confuse the two, even though they can certainly overlap. 

“Love is different from chemistry,” says Laurel House, a dating and relationship coach and host of the “Man Whisperer” podcast. “Chemistry is a short-term chemical reaction inside your body that actually creates an intensely felt drug that makes you lose sight of clarity of thought, and can trick you into thinking you’re in deep love, when really you’re in superficial lust.”

But being in love with someone — experiencing, as House describes it, a “deep heart connection” — is a little bit different than either simply loving or being excited by someone. Being in love with someone implies not just a deep appreciation or a passing excitement for them, but a lasting, all-consuming passion.

“Love, in my opinion, is not the same as sexual excitement,” says Tessina. “It develops over time, and will probably wind up being only one person.” 

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